Postit

I found this...

"when things lack of complications, life gets a little more boring and routine. Surprises are one thing, but turn-of-events gets a category of its own...so I rather be boring now than regret it later."

I am not sure when I wrote this or what I was going through, but it is very interesting. What happened to me? I am not the same person several years ago...not a terrible person, just different...almost becoming more selfish...finding this random post-it has encouraged me to gather all my past journals from 1998 to 2006. I seemed to stop at 2006...

Flipping through some of the entries, I remember a quote from Virginia Woolf (I believe, and I am paraphrasing).

"...women who write have too much emotions..."

I am going to take a day and actually read through all of them as to reflect and see where I have lost my more brighter self. In the past, I used to look back at these entries as a way to keep myself sane and to remind myself of my dreams because I knew I was going to forget them as I became an adult. I have a different mindset now. I have been trained to figure out beyond what the words mean in historic diaries. This will be an easier task since I (hopefully) can remember the events that leads me to write with such emotions.

I long to have those terrible emotions again so I have the ability to write. Only when I am content and indifferent, I have NOTHING to write. Truth be told, I want to write something, I just can remember the important details that make a story a story. Maybe going to France will be new perspective and I will regain the ability to write again even if it is only about the fancy cuisine.

-k.sayavong

nouvelle perspective

Every year and every semester, I tell myself I would focus more on school, but I seem to have a great start and end up wishing I would have stayed motivated. This year, I am not going to tell myself anything, and I will not set any goals I cannot keep doing for the rest of the year or even the semester for that matter.

Someone mentioned the other day, I have become angry. 'Tis true, I have. The question for myself is to what I am angry at? How do you stay positive when you dislike some people you work with? Finishing college seems long overdue. Financially unstable at the moment.

There is a lot to be angry at. And of course this comes off complaining to what I can obviously change. Quit the job. Finish college. Save money.

This year, I have started off angry, but I ended it mad...so in order to get over myself, I must stop continuing what I been doing for the past 5 years, and begin a new lease on life.

Happy New Year everyone!

the older, the wiser

It's cliche for me to say we are not getting any younger...
I am an adult, it's official. It hit me today. Birthdays do not matter as long as there are good times and booze. Caring for one's own body in order to prepare for a future bun in the oven (no I am not preggers, just saying). Well, more of just taking care of one's self for a healthier tomorrow. Found the man of my dreams who is caring and kind, who I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with. Sunscreen is a must.

I just need to manage my income better.

If only life would become easier.

once thought

Everyday there is another drink, which adds on to another and another, then my head hits the pillow. I have looked forward to the end of the day...drinking.

I went to the movies again with my girl friend. As I was waiting in line for the concession stand. I remember when I was the person years ago behind the counter. Wishing that time with just freeze for a quick minute so I can scream at the top of my lungs. Instead of embarrassing myself, I would suck it up and get through the customers as fast as I could. At the end of all the movies...I would clean. "Always start from the top and work your way down," I would say to myself, "sweep last." Then the shift would be over, I would have to release my tension. Too young to go into a store and purchase some beer. I would settle on other things, I am neither proud about nor do I regret it. I was a teenager being a teen. As I would make my way out of the door, I would envy the people that would walk out of the movies with an experience of a good, great, or terrible movie. Now, looking back, I am those people walking out of the theater heading to my next destination. At sixteen, I thought more, I was more hopeful. Nothing happens after the movie ends. People are zapped back into their own reality.

I am in my reality...drinking a beer, waiting on Him to get home...looking out the window wishing for something more interesting to write than about myself...

-k.sayavong

déclamation extravagante de garçon de restaurant

I finished reading Waiter Rant the two days ago. It made me glad I did not stay in the restaurant business for very long. The money is alluring at first, but there is so much you put up with, which could ultimately cause you to hate all of mankind. Now, I dislike retail customers...

Ma'am, all the prices marked are correct in the computer system. When you have gotten away with saving one dollar before it was all because I wanted YOU out of my face.

Most days, I would go through without any complaints, which would go unnoticed, of course. BUT the one customer have ruins the vibe the store will always be remembered. From his/her face to clothes to body type to even smell...so when you go into a retail store and stir up unnecessary problems, we ALWAYS will remember you. Oh, but me, I will act polite towards you because it's not my duty in life to waste my time with YOU.

nouveaux cheveux sombres

Insignificant to the world. We live lives to please ourselves, or so we say.

Lenny's was a bust. The owner was in over his head. He had no idea what he was doing. In my nature, I have faith that he was trying, but than, he screwed up the employees' paycheck. I was the lucky few who did not get caught in the circle of bank fees and lack of funds. It seems there will be some legal action if nothing is fixed.

As a shallow thing to do, I recently changed my hair color to become a little bit darker and more natural, since I will not be pampering myself any time soon. It seems I must grow the fuck up, and learn to spend by my means. Yes, I should have done this a long time ago, but I was stuck in a position I had to live up to...No more of that.

I say this every semester, but this time it will be different. I will put more of my energy towards my classes. I am hoping they will be enlightening and enjoyable, but that would be too much to ask for considering the economy we live in making us all a little depressed. Its claws slowly chipping our pride and dignity away. In this spiral of unhappiness, at least, I was lucky enough to get my old job back.

Yes, I am back in...'nuff said.

Liste des Changements

At worlds end, I will look back and see that there have been a lot of unfinished business.

I say this every year, but I will be a hermit this time around. I gave up my need to mingle with the rest of society. I will give away my privileges of being out and about. I will lacks on my spending habits of frivolous things. The reason behind all this...Damn Recession!

...tout ne va pas bien.

fin.