once thought

Everyday there is another drink, which adds on to another and another, then my head hits the pillow. I have looked forward to the end of the day...drinking.

I went to the movies again with my girl friend. As I was waiting in line for the concession stand. I remember when I was the person years ago behind the counter. Wishing that time with just freeze for a quick minute so I can scream at the top of my lungs. Instead of embarrassing myself, I would suck it up and get through the customers as fast as I could. At the end of all the movies...I would clean. "Always start from the top and work your way down," I would say to myself, "sweep last." Then the shift would be over, I would have to release my tension. Too young to go into a store and purchase some beer. I would settle on other things, I am neither proud about nor do I regret it. I was a teenager being a teen. As I would make my way out of the door, I would envy the people that would walk out of the movies with an experience of a good, great, or terrible movie. Now, looking back, I am those people walking out of the theater heading to my next destination. At sixteen, I thought more, I was more hopeful. Nothing happens after the movie ends. People are zapped back into their own reality.

I am in my reality...drinking a beer, waiting on Him to get home...looking out the window wishing for something more interesting to write than about myself...

-k.sayavong

déclamation extravagante de garçon de restaurant

I finished reading Waiter Rant the two days ago. It made me glad I did not stay in the restaurant business for very long. The money is alluring at first, but there is so much you put up with, which could ultimately cause you to hate all of mankind. Now, I dislike retail customers...

Ma'am, all the prices marked are correct in the computer system. When you have gotten away with saving one dollar before it was all because I wanted YOU out of my face.

Most days, I would go through without any complaints, which would go unnoticed, of course. BUT the one customer have ruins the vibe the store will always be remembered. From his/her face to clothes to body type to even smell...so when you go into a retail store and stir up unnecessary problems, we ALWAYS will remember you. Oh, but me, I will act polite towards you because it's not my duty in life to waste my time with YOU.

nouveaux cheveux sombres

Insignificant to the world. We live lives to please ourselves, or so we say.

Lenny's was a bust. The owner was in over his head. He had no idea what he was doing. In my nature, I have faith that he was trying, but than, he screwed up the employees' paycheck. I was the lucky few who did not get caught in the circle of bank fees and lack of funds. It seems there will be some legal action if nothing is fixed.

As a shallow thing to do, I recently changed my hair color to become a little bit darker and more natural, since I will not be pampering myself any time soon. It seems I must grow the fuck up, and learn to spend by my means. Yes, I should have done this a long time ago, but I was stuck in a position I had to live up to...No more of that.

I say this every semester, but this time it will be different. I will put more of my energy towards my classes. I am hoping they will be enlightening and enjoyable, but that would be too much to ask for considering the economy we live in making us all a little depressed. Its claws slowly chipping our pride and dignity away. In this spiral of unhappiness, at least, I was lucky enough to get my old job back.

Yes, I am back in...'nuff said.

Liste des Changements

At worlds end, I will look back and see that there have been a lot of unfinished business.

I say this every year, but I will be a hermit this time around. I gave up my need to mingle with the rest of society. I will give away my privileges of being out and about. I will lacks on my spending habits of frivolous things. The reason behind all this...Damn Recession!

...tout ne va pas bien.

fin.

thèmes

Reminded there is not a distance from any destination. The life we live...why do some just KNOW where they want to be, want to do, and how to live? Goals. A learned trait to pick one that is easier to accomplish in a short period of time.

I shall start with my bedroom/office/living space.

Time of non-reflection

Life should be filled with realization, but what happens when you feel you have learned enough in this stage of life? It seems my life is at a stand still while life is still happening. No, I do not feel the world revolves around me. I know that the world revolves around no one, but EVERYONE. My theory is when the majority of the people in this world is moving in a fast pace, I lag and I am unable to catch up. It seems I am so far behind, there is no way for me to get next to the last person. The only thing I can do is get in the right path, but right when I am doing what I am suppose to do, I lose my motivation. Yes, my flaw in life is my short term motivation. It will be the death of me
I hate questions involving where I will be in five years. I have a plan, but I do not state every step; let me just go on without a demand to understand where my life will lead. The only person I disappoint is myself: I do not want you to get your hopes up. One of us is enough to feel that way.

I feel better since I have finished this semester. Now, I await the grades to come in. I do not even want to see. Every semester I am in fear that I will fail. I CANNOT fail any class! I have this stigma where I might as well give up if I fail.

-k.sayavong

bon

This was supposed to be my year, of newfound leadership and responsibility. Since then, I have been the same unorganized, broke, and procrastinator among many. The lazy good-for-nothing student that does what it takes to make it “alright.” I seem to always go the first week broke without books and when I finally get money to buy books the following week, then instead of reading, I am out and about with my friends, wasting away money I should be saving to head out of the Rent’s house. They will not be happy, but they seem to be less about me and more about making money in the agricultural business nowadays. I am hoping with all my fingers and toes cross, I will get through this semester without any down fall, but it seems with the rate I am going, I should be more grounded and say no when people ask me to leave the confines of my mini office. I wander off into nothing, but more debt. I wonder how am I to live on my own if I am constantly living from paycheck to paycheck? I realize that I am in my early twenties, but even with the stereotypical place I should be in, I want more. I want to be able to stand on my own two feet. For years I have been blaming my shortcomings to everyone else (The Rents) except for myself. I learn through trial and error, it has always been my choice. I have always chosen the easy carefree way from the “real world.” Letting mommy and daddy take care of all the finances, which has stopped me from leaving…oh there I go again blaming. In a more worldly view, it is my fault as much as the Rents because of their control of situation and my rebellion strike that would give in when I cannot afford the thing I want and not need.

Change of subject; I have actually been keeping up with the Republic National Convention this week as I was last week with the Democratic. I have made my choice, and I will not be swayed, but I do still want to know both sides this time. I been keeping up with current events again.

I am more content now that I have left Staples. I think the store was making me an angry person because I was fed up with many of the management going on and I didn’t feel like I had the right to say anything even though I was there for a year and a half. Maybe it was the fact that I was not promoted right away like I did in many of my previous jobs…okay maybe two; one for management and the other for more responsibility. I just felt like I needed to have people under me when I know how to do pretty much everything, except for what I needed to be trained for. I work at Lenny’s, oh, I surly need to change my status on facebook..., I am still in the process of training, but I think I got the gist of everything…hopefully (fingers-crossed).
-k. sayavong