A Mother's LOVE

Long over due for some creative outlook. I want to create, to do something, but since the lack of funds have stopped me from going out; I learn to "live without it." It was hard to "live without it" at first, but when I know that it's for the better and I am better off, I calm myself down to believe that it's going to be fine because I will gain all that I lost in due time.
Life could be better. My significant is the better. The Rents is the could be...to make it better. I tend to do this a lot when I have a night to rethink the things that has happened during the day. I suppose it is my "historian" complex. To me and a lot of others out there. My mother is embarrassing. I cringe on the day my mom meets other people that are important in my life or will be important in my life. Let us say that I was in an important meeting and my mother was with me...she would make me lose my chances to landing a good job/career. OR I would raise my voice at her, or something in my annoyed face and voice I normally get with my mother would have a negative effect on my image I try to portray. This may seem fake, but in reality, it is another side of me, just like you. Sometimes I wonder if I am like her. Sometimes I dread becoming like her. A mother is supposed to be your hero. Your salvation. Mine is a person I do not want to become and I would not like to befriend. I must sound like disrespectful daughter...I could be. I would be if I didn't do everything she says about her friends' children.
I rather have her talk shit about me than praise me for we all know the reasons.

That was a little negative, I apologize.

A few months ago as I was looking through a Domino Magazine (it's a home decor magazine), I stumbled upon this crafty calendar that was hand made by this woman named Diana Fayt. I fell in love with it, but was too late into ordering it on line because of it's limited supply. Supply and demand...she and a few others, I suppose, made them all by hand. That's amazing...so tonight...well this early early morning, I have made my own calendar with my own hands. I step back and see that I did a not so bad job. Ah yes, I needed something to look back at and be proud of myself...I like making things. I like creating. I also like to organize.

Sometimes I look at Nancy and see what I could have become if I just kept at it. I have been decent at drawing and art. Maybe I was above average in the art classes, or at least I was noticed by my art teachers of my potential. I get above average, lose my motivation and quit as I pick up something else I want to be above average at. Another flaw of mine...I need to stick with one thing, work at it and be amazing in it THEN move on to the next project...

Well, I think more of my problem is, I want to do everything and ....whatever, I am a quitter. AND it's not as if the job or task gets hard...I just start feeling like I have mastered it enough to get by and feel I should move on. . . I can only imagine I could be GREAT at something.

I long to know what I will be great/wonder/excellent at.