m'améliorer

I forgot I own a book about Buddhism. To get into the mindset of the past Laos New Year, I decided to improve once again, and go back to what I was going a long time ago. So I see that I have not been following the "eight golden rules" of Buddhism. I suppose I will think about each one and see how I can change, improve, or focus more into it. Maybe it's my historian-in-training trait, but I will probably analyze to the point where nothing is left to do, and that is not the way Buddhist should do things. I don't think I try hard enough to practice my faith. Too much of the same problems arise every year...well two times a year...every semester...Time...I waste is too often.

Now for the first of the Noble Eightfold Path:

1.) Right Understanding

Now, what is that? What is there to understand? I will work backwards.

8.) Right Concentration

A bit easier to understand. What should I concentrate on? School? Getting the right kind of grades so I can study abroad next year? Yes, that sounds easy enough, but I think about how to achieve that. From the beginning of change, I will start with my time management. The times I let my mind wander into a different world then I lose my focus: my goal. First thing is first, clean my living space inside and out so I have better access to my basic needs for this century. I have tried organizing. I got myself a filing cabinet to put my important papers in the right file. I realize that I have too many misc., which does not fit into any of the categories I originally planned. Long story short, I end up having one piece of paper in each file. I am terrible. I see my demise and gave up, called my friends and had a drink. OK, so right concentration is easier said than done.

I realize the teachings are not in depth as I went on. Right Concentration is basically the meditation part of the Eightfold Path. I am using my interuptation for me and not anyone elses.

BUT maybe I should meditate.

when the world comes to an end

I realize I have been walking in circles avoiding the truth. I should grow out of this skin, this comfort zone and get up and do something about this. I see that my future can be more enjoyable if I put forth the actual effort the outcome will be.

The semester is almost over. This big hump is about done. I have yet to sign up for my class. I am still a DAMN Junior and I didn't know I was suppose to be on the computer looking for my class on the 11th. It is now the 16th; yes, I am a little late. I suppose I keep thinking I am going to fail and bring dishonor to the family. They put too much investment into this, and I am wondering about waiting for someone to take care of everything. Letting everything fall into place. Don't I know that I need to do something about this on my own?! I need a big slap in the face from someone other than the Rents. Their words do not like to register into my brain.

I talked to minor advisor and yet to do the same with my advisor...I am a little embarrass from time to time because I do not have a concrete plan for myself. I need to stop and organize.