non complet

I do not have a job nor am I going to school this summer. There is a burden that is put upon my shoulders again by myself of course. I cannot rest for I am restless. It is too late, my eyes are drowsy, but my body cannot lay and be still. When one feels incomplete, one feels like the world is against her. To me, not even a significant other makes my mind clear. He masks my internal pain and hunger because he is wonderful, but when he is not around, I soak myself in the what I did wrong in the past to have the present. I wonder at times whether I do this to myself. There is lack of things being accomplished in my life of all sorts.

Many people are above me, and starting a new beginning, while I am stuck. And I remember when it was worst, but this time there is no excuse. Neither age nor time is the blockage. I have done this to myself because of false motivation. False ideas. Lack of action. Action: verb...to do (something). So simple. Why haven't I DONE anything?

The problem I can no longer blame on the Rents. I should blame myself, but I won't. Some Thing is always the cause and my result is the effect. I lose my motivation and excitement because my feelings at present times affect my actions. The most successful are aggressive and passionate.

I am not consistent. That's my problem.

fardeaux

I seems to wake up everyday with a burden over my head. It could be the happens of events that happen weeks ago or the day before.

Last night, I decided to take a long over due offer and go out with my friend. I am newly turned 21 and I felt I should give the bars a chance. After last night, I will give it one more chance with my usual crowd. Walking around the streets of downtown Nashville, is not my idea of a good time. Bar hopping is not my idea of a good time. You lose your buzz and your feet hurt from walking on heels.

I am glad mon aime was there to get away from the sluttiness and corruption of Nashville night streets. We went to Steak 'n' Shake to get purity in us once again before we head home.

You can assume, I slept quite well, but I had this strange dream of a dead baby and being a woman living in the 21st century, I googled. And this is what I found

~"To see a dead baby in your dream, symbolizes the ending of something that is part of you."

~" Your Dream: dead broken neck baby
Words like neck: To dream about any neck, denotes your present feelings of jealously and resentment. It involves emotional problems involving a friend or relative.
Words like baby: Happiness. Rebirth. Trust."
(funny because an event did happen to make this true. "...emotional problems involving a friend or relative...")

(my search continues for more meanings)

~" death (someone else): To dream that someone else has died represents an end of a phase for that person before a new phase begins, or means that some aspect of your situation with that person is changing or coming to an end.

baby: To dream of a baby represents the need for self-nurturing, and responsibility for yourself. To dream that you are pregnant or that you have a baby that you don't have in real life can mean that you should pay more attention to your needs. Depending on how you feel about the baby, it can also be a symbol of taking on responsibility for someone else or that you are taking on too much responsibility. Occasionally, it can mean that you would like to have a baby or spend more time around young children.''

(so the first one was right. The end of a phrase in my life. I hope it's good)

Gravity pulls.