This was supposed to be my year, of newfound leadership and responsibility. Since then, I have been the same unorganized, broke, and procrastinator among many. The lazy good-for-nothing student that does what it takes to make it “alright.” I seem to always go the first week broke without books and when I finally get money to buy books the following week, then instead of reading, I am out and about with my friends, wasting away money I should be saving to head out of the Rent’s house. They will not be happy, but they seem to be less about me and more about making money in the agricultural business nowadays. I am hoping with all my fingers and toes cross, I will get through this semester without any down fall, but it seems with the rate I am going, I should be more grounded and say no when people ask me to leave the confines of my mini office. I wander off into nothing, but more debt. I wonder how am I to live on my own if I am constantly living from paycheck to paycheck? I realize that I am in my early twenties, but even with the stereotypical place I should be in, I want more. I want to be able to stand on my own two feet. For years I have been blaming my shortcomings to everyone else (The Rents) except for myself. I learn through trial and error, it has always been my choice. I have always chosen the easy carefree way from the “real world.” Letting mommy and daddy take care of all the finances, which has stopped me from leaving…oh there I go again blaming. In a more worldly view, it is my fault as much as the Rents because of their control of situation and my rebellion strike that would give in when I cannot afford the thing I want and not need.
Change of subject; I have actually been keeping up with the Republic National Convention this week as I was last week with the Democratic. I have made my choice, and I will not be swayed, but I do still want to know both sides this time. I been keeping up with current events again.
I am more content now that I have left Staples. I think the store was making me an angry person because I was fed up with many of the management going on and I didn’t feel like I had the right to say anything even though I was there for a year and a half. Maybe it was the fact that I was not promoted right away like I did in many of my previous jobs…okay maybe two; one for management and the other for more responsibility. I just felt like I needed to have people under me when I know how to do pretty much everything, except for what I needed to be trained for. I work at Lenny’s, oh, I surly need to change my status on facebook..., I am still in the process of training, but I think I got the gist of everything…hopefully (fingers-crossed).
-k. sayavong
